'It'

Burning there day & night

Filled in every breath I take,

still it eludes me!

Lines on my hand scream

Screeching sounds all I hear

no music no notes no harmony

still it eludes me!

Heart pounding each single day

shouting fighting with it 

is my own friend, my brain

still it eludes me!

Passionate longing it stays

touch of a romantic it seems like

drinking within me, in my every pore

still it eludes me!

Words phrases combinations

praising defying like HIM

poetry of mine it gives birth to

still it eludes me!

Order chaos rules warnings

Showing boards red and yellow

defining my each entry & exit

still it eludes me!

Fate destiny, I refer to it sometimes as

so enigmatic, so puzzling

so my own residing within me

still it eludes me!

Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher and poet said, "You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star". The chaos is the order that brings dreams to reality. With a bit of turbulence, this poem refers to this fire inside me which burns me, keeps me alive and still eludes me, keeping me far far away from what I dream to achieve. Life, a series of challenges and mine at present is to retain this fire and keep my chaos to bring life to order.  

कुछ दर्द....

कुछ दर्द के शब्द नहीं होते,
एकदम चुप 
मगर साथ चलते है वो हरदम.

हर दर्द,
हर ख़ुशी
पर छलक के आँखों
में आ जाते है,
कभी कोमल मुस्कान
तो कभी गहन एहसास
से सराबोर कर जाते है मन को.

साथ निभाते,
हाथ पकड़,
हर दिन हर रात
जेहन में आते है यह कुछ दर्द.
अजीब से है!
मुझे रौशनी दिखाते
कभी अंधेरो में जो खुद जन्मे!

सोचो तो उनका अस्तित्व
व्यर्थ,
मगर जानो तो उनका है
एक लक्ष्य आत्मिक
जोड़ दे मुझे जो 'शक्ति' से
जिसने तोडा मुझे भरपूर बल से
अजीब से है ऐसे कुछ दर्द!

Life is strange! Change is the constant change. Incidents/events in life sometimes leaves us with marks on our heart and mind. Marks, images, thoughts, realities, tears and feelings which we can never erase, which we never wished for in the first place. These marks are like shadows in the day and darkness in the night- ever with us. They happened for some purpose, HE gave them to us in hope we would cut straight through them and emerge stronger (though we were left hugely weak & hurted). Easier written than done and felt. If we stand up each day with a little hope and a little curve on our lips, we could pray for strength and faith through out the day. And I believe, sometimes it's no harm in giving up hope. May be, that's the best we can do on that day and wait for yet another day we can reshape ourselves to fight the pain inflicted on us. HE is there with us, even if, may be he shows his presence in the pain.

Everything fades away....

सूरज की सुनहरी रौशनी  

चाँद की पवित्र चांदनी

तारो की श्वेत झिलमिल 

सब है मन-मोहिनी जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

चाय के प्याले की गर्माहट

साथ में रखी किताब की खुशबू

मेज पर बिछे सुन्दर फूलों वाला मेजपोश

सब है मिट जाना जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

आज में मन का सुकून

कल में करवट लेती बेचेनी  

मीलो लम्बी चलती जिंदगी

सब है बदल जाना जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

सपने देखे जो बीते कल में

सपने जो जी लिए आज में

सपने जो भरे कल के लिए इन आँखों में

सब हो जाने है पूरे जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

Life is so unpredictable! This is not a statement that is reflecting any positive or negative state of my mind but just a few little experiences here and there. God reigns our lives as much as we reign it ourselves. He is the writer of our destinies and leaves it to us to accomplish them ourselves. He makes us see and admire the beauty of the golden Sun, He makes us enjoy the warmth of beautiful words in a book, the company of a friend, a beloved...but its all on us to make these all worthwhile and ourselves a better person. True, He is the giver but it is equally big responsibility to be the right takers. Eventually everything in this world fades away, so just work in the direction His fingers point and live life His way!

(Penned on 2nd October 2011).

HIM!

the silence you live into

the love you once fell for

the anger that seeps within you

the anguish your body feels 

the helplessness you see for yourself

the hope of yours that goes dim

the smile that's become a bargain

the tears that come like a high tide...

 ...Break it all,

life is too short for all this!

Get up,

Smile from within,

One day each day is 'yesterday'

& every day will be 'tomorrow'.

Do not sulk,

Have faith,

say a prayer,

light a lamp,

bow your head,

& love HIM again n forever...

 ...and you will be free, my heart n mind.

This poem is inspired by my recently strengthened faith in HIM, the Almighty. Life is too short and far more important than tears and thoughts spent on the very basic nature of life n people. I am happy in this festive season of Diwali, I have seen my light. Now, my head is stronger with the faith in HIM and my heart is filled with joy that he hears my prayers if they are good :-)

I wish all my readers & my friends a very happy Diwali and I hope that your life too will always be guided by HIM.

The incomplete!

Thoughts in the mind

raging

agitated!

Feelings in the heart

confused

baffled!

Constrained,

chained,

my words sat.

They finally drifted away

leaving the pen

lonely

& me pained.

Well, surely the words above didn't construct a happy poem. But today it's the truth. In the last one hour, with the heart & mind racing against each other, I wanted to feel unburdened. Therefore, wanted to seek shelter in my poems. I tried to pen different poems on different subjects, everytime thinking may be this would be my vent out. But all words were left incomplete (hence an incomplete me)...leaving me a handful of poems with different emotions. In one of the poems, I tried to understand what is the Almighty to me...a friend or the super-power (may be I wanted to seek his blessings & love today!)....but could not complete it. In an another one, I tried to portray that everything fades away....but my heart could not let go everything, hence another incomplete one!

Its being so difficult today....I think I know why or may be, I don't know why. When one stops oneself, chains & constraints oneself...how come the 'completeness' be born! 

In French- "C'est bizarre", but that's what is me today. May be the Sun shining tomorrow will break the shackles of the darkness within and a beautiful new day would be on its way, just like the fragrance of festivities in the air.

Happy Dusshera to all.

(* The image is 'The Creation of Adam', by Michelangelo.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Creation_of_Adam)

Sadness!

 

 Transient,

fleeting

is this world

& I hope memories too.

That smile from her!

I am an avid reader of books by a few authors like Cecilia Ahern, Stephenie Meyer, John Grisam etc. During this India visit I had to go for a small surgery and for passing the time during my recovery my husband bought me another book by Cecilia Ahern. The book is named 'The Gift'. 

Its the story of a man named Lou Suffern who is engrossed in his work to the extent of ignoring everything & everybody else. One day, all of a sudden he spares a glance to a homeless man who sits & begs near his office building. Lou everyday passes by the same street but never ever he has paid any attention to this man, named Gabriel (Gabe). That day, one of the chilly snowy winter morning near Christmas in NewYork, Lou gives Gabe a cup of coffee and talks something with him. Don't know why and don't know he feels Gabe is 'him'. He sees himself in this homeless man. No comparisons could be drawn by anybody else by looking at the two men but he sees himself in this shabby creature. He later on ends up giving him the job in his office as a mail delivery man. He is amazed by Gabe's quickness to do things, and how he smiles intriguely at him. 

Without going in further details of this story between Lou and Gabe, I just want to convey the message that it is a story of two different persons at two different positions and situations in their life and how one day they get related to each other influencing and impacting each other's life in an unsurpassing and unimaginable way. The story I have read till now gives me one clear picture.... TWO DIFFERENT MEN, SITTING DIAGONALLY TO EACH OTHER.

From, here I want to commence my post (well, it was not about Cecilia's book review or story details)---

Two days ago, a bit recovered from my surgery I went with my husband to a very famous temple in our town- 'Annapurna Mandir' which is architecturally based on South-Indian temples. Its a beautiful one and I don't remember when I last visited any temples! It was the time of the afternoon, the temple was relatively empty and also wet after the heavy rain in the morning and last few days. After visiting one of the dieties, my husband and daughter started playing inside a big hall, and I came outside & sat on the entrance of that small temple hall. On my other side, just in front of my face, was sitting a women with a mobile in her hand. When we were entering the temple, I noticed her and I also noticed the sign board 'beware of the shoe-thieves'. I noticed these two facets  together and suddenly I was apprehensive of leaving my footwear (which I bought back in France and is one of my favourites) but I thought ok, may be if it was to go away, it will be taken otherwise it will stay with me :) ....I went inside, after the 'darshan' I came back & found both the women and my footwear...nobody and nothing was gone. I sat at the stairs.

   After a few minutes this women, nearly 38 (I think) gives me a smile (oh my God...it was one of the most softest smiles I had ever seen). She was wearing a faded pink and grey salwar-suit, ragged, her hair was unkempt and she looked talking to herself. I was amazed ...'everybody had mobiles' as I saw her constantly busy with her red handset. Well, I smiled back at her. After a few more minutes, she asked me, 'madam, do you work in a office', I nodded and then she asked me 'where do I work'? I was very calm that day and so calmly told her I live outside India and I work in the field of computers. She made a face like 'Wow!'. OK...then after she again became bus with her mobile. I asked her then, 'what do you do?'..Anyone could have taken as a house maid..but I dont know why I wanted to ask her this. Well...I was not given any answer. She pretended she didn't hear or I knew she don't want to answer. After 5 more minutes, she asked me if I like in Indore (my hometown)..then I told her its my birth place and its only a few years I have been living outside India.I saw her interested in this conversation, so I asked her again where she works. To my amazement, she didn't answer. Now, some passersby of that small temple, looked to me in bewilderment like whom I am talking to. Then she spoke....यह कैसा जीवन है, सुबह शाम काम करने के बाद भी वो नहीं कर पाते जो करना चाहते है. She told..सुबह उठो, खाना बनाते बनाते ही दिन के १-२ बज जाते है, फिर कुछ और काम, फिर शाम का खाना और सो जाओ. वक्त और दिन दोनों खत्म. जीवन यू ही निकल रहा है, कब करे जो जीवन मे करना चाहते है!!!!

I was tempted to give this so true words an instant thought and also because it came from a very ordinary looking women who looked poor, needy, distressed and self-engrossed in her own world of problems and harshness of this world. I dont know why the two characters of 'the Gift', Lou and Gabe came to my mind. They were two different persons, sitting at opposite ends of life....I dont know why I also felt sitting at opposite ends to her. It was ironic as we sat at opposite sides of the stairs at the entrance of the temple yet i think we impacted each other's life in some way. I liked talking to this unknown lady where people looked at me with strange glares as if I was talking to no one. It wont be too much to say if I said this small talk comforted me and left me behind with a contentment of conversing with somebody. Finally, it was time to go and I said my farewell words to her- 'अच्छा, अपना ध्यान रखना' and once again she gave me that smile which I can't forget even now while writing this post.

What can I do with you my life?

What can I do with you my life?
love you, hate you, be happy with you, care for you.
be confused with your being, misunderstand you, understand you,
like you, dislike you, want to live with you, want to run away from you.

आज यह क्या हुआ,
मेरी समझ से परे हुआ जो हुआ.
आज जीवन का यह स्पर्श 
अच्छा नहीं लगा मुझे, जैसे एक सिहरन सी काप उठी मेरी आत्मा मे.
मैंने दिल से सोचा और हार गयी मै
फिर सोचा इतनी जल्दी 
या फिर इतनी देर से हारी मै.

क्या मै समझती हू तुम्हे
या नहीं,
क्या तुम जानते हो मुझे या नहीं
आज कुछ रिश्ता अधूरा सा लगा मुझे.

आज मन में तृष्णा , आक्रोश 
सब भर गया ..
और मै हार गयी.
खुद से या तुमसे
यह नहीं समझ पाई मै.

क्या तुम जुड़े हो मुझसे
या मै ही नहीं जुड़ पाई
यह सवालो के जवाब नहीं 
दे पाई मै खुद को
और हार गयी मै खुद से
या शायद तुमसे.

शब्द तो बहुत है
लेकिन कागज़ नहीं कोई,
तस्वीर तो है
लेकिन रंग नहीं मेरे पास
ना ही आकाश रंग डालने के लिए,
फिर लगता है
आकाश नहीं जमीन ही काफी है
रंगों के लिए.

मिल जाये या पहचान पाऊ तो जमीन ही रंग दू
अगर आकाश का इन्तेजार बेमानी है.

आज मन उलझा है
सोच रही हू कल क्या पाउंगी मै
क्या सूरज देगा मुझे साफ्गोशी?
क्या डालेगा रौशनी मेरी सीरत पर?
क्या देख पाऊँगी मै क्या सही क्या गलत?

कल का इन्तेजार नहीं करना आता मुझे
आज ही सोच लुंगी कल का मेरा कर्म
शान्ति, सादगी, कर्म से भरू खुदको
और बस छोड़ दू सब तुम पर, मेरे कान्हा
ध्यान रखो मेरा और 
दिखाऊ मुझे मेरा रास्ता!