Ariel Matic or Magic!

Husband and wife

Just like the wheels align

Move forward holding hands

Their home's a loving shrine!

No more fights

My turn or your turn, 

Despite the endless responsibilities

forget the endless churn!

Sharing the love

Rationing the responsibilities

Their journey now serene

Peaceful as the beautiful dove!

Miya-biwi ab kare kamal

Welcoming the new Ariel Matic

Smilingly cleaning the laundry 

Finishing the load like a trick in magic!

It seems it's not only Delhi being helped by the number game, but the odd-even rule could be for couples too. I am taking part in the #LaundryGoesOddEven Challenge by Ariel India at BlogAdda. It was fun trying the product with calendar dates which means pre-set responsibilities. Try it and see for yourself!

Women's Day & Dowry & Marriages...

Image Source: Google

इस साल के फिर हम उस दिन के करीब आ गए जिसे पूरी दुनिया International Women's Day, इंटरनेशनल वीमेन’स डे के नाम से मनाती है। आजकल मार्केटिंग के चलते हर कोई वीमेन’स डे मानाने लगा है, फिर चाहे हम अपनी माँ को, या फिर अपनी बहिन को ही कोई तोहफा क्यों न दे. बॉयफ्रेंड गर्लफ्रेंड भी अब वीमेन’स डे मनाने लगे है। मनाये, कोई गलत  बात नहीं। मुद्दा है एक ही दिन का। ये सम्मान सिर्फ एक ही दिन क्यों जताया जाए, और सम्मान का सही अर्थ क्या है?  औरत होना आसान नहीं , खासकर माँ बनने के बाद औरत के कर्तव्य निभाना एक चुनौती है। मेरी दो बच्चियाँ है, और उन दोनों का हर दिन कुछ नयापन लिए हो, वे हर दिन कुछ नया सीखे, इसी जद्दोजहद में मेरा हर दिन बीतता है (इसके अलावा घर और घर ही मेरा ऑफिस बना, वाले कई अनगिनत काम)।

लेकिन मेरा ये ब्लॉग शिकायती नहीं की माँ होना कितना मुश्किल है। वक्त के साथ मैंने बहुत कुछ सुना, देखा, समझा, पढ़ा और महसूस किया। बीते कई सालों में मेरी सोच बदली, मेरे मन के कई डर गुज़र गए, कॉन्फिडेंस बढ़ा लेकिन काफी आक्रोश भी मेरे मन में पैदा हुआ।आक्रोश शायद इस बात से जुड़ा है की मैं समाज जी बहुत सी प्रणालियों से सहमत नहीं हो पाती।

हर लड़की के माता पिता, खासकर भारत में, ताउम्र लड़की की शादी के लिए गहने, सोना जोड़ने में लगे होते है। मेरे माँ-पिता ने भी कुछ अलग नहीं किया। आज मैं सोचती हूँ क्यों ! मेरे माता पिता बहुत ही प्रोग्रेसिव है और हमेशा से रहे, अच्छी शिक्षा जीवन के लिए कितनी महत्वपूर्ण है ये जानते हुए उन्होंने हमेशा मुझे अच्छी शिक्षा के लिए प्रेरित किया और उसके लिए हर अवसर दिया। मेरी स्कूल की कई सहेलियों के परिवारवालों ने भी ऐसा किया, सभी अच्छे शिक्षित परिवार से थी, लेकिन कहीं न कहीं, समाज के आगे सभी परिवार वाले झुके। क्यों ताउम्र शादी के लिए अर्थ संजोया जाए ? आखिर शादियों में इतना खर्चा क्यों ? ऊपर से दहेज़ की माँग क्यों?

ये एक ट्रेंड बनता जा रहा है,आगे- ऊँचा और ऊँचा बढ़ता ही जा रहा है। इतना पैसा बहता है शादियों में, और जिनके पास नहीं है वे भी बेचारे इस ट्रेंड के तहत मजबूर है। और तो और दहेज़ का क्या काम? दहेज़ की प्रथा कोई नयी नहीं, सदियों पुरानी है। हमें स्कूल में छुटपन से ही सिखाया जाता है की चोरी का मतलब है जो चीज़ पर हमारा अधिकार नहीं, उसे गलत रूप से पा लेना, तो क्या दहेज़ भी चोरी नहीं हुआ? दहेज़ लेने वाले क्या चोर नहीं हुए? जो पैसा आपने नहीं कमाया, जिसके लिए आपने दिन रात एक नहीं किये, उस दौलत पर आपका क्या अधिकार? उसे मांगते हुए या उसकी इच्छा रखते हुए क्या आप चोर नहीं हुए?

लड़के के माता-पिता है तो क्या दहेज़ पर जन्मसिद्ध अधिकार जीवनसाथी तो लड़के और लड़की दोनों को ही मिल रहा है। एक समझदार, सौम्य, शांत और प्यार करने वाला जीवनसाथी पाने से बेहतर क्या ससुराल का धन, कार, शादी में की जाने वाली खातिरदारी इम्पोर्टेन्ट है?  लेकिन नहीं, दहेज़ तो हमें चाहिए ही, बोले या अनबोले। दहेज़ पर तो हमारा अधिकार तब से ही हो गया जबसे हमने एक बेटा पैदा किया… बेचारे वो जिनकी सिर्फ लड़कियाँ है उनका क्या? वे कैसे ऐसा धन जोड़ेंगे?

दहेज़ लेना चोरी है, आज के ज़माने में हम कितना ही कह ले, वक्त बदल रहा है। लड़के और लड़की का भेद कम हो रहा है, लेकिन शादी के वक्त तो पढ़ी लिखी लड़की भी अपने माँ-बाप का पैसा शादी में खर्च कराती है। क्यों? क्यूँकि वह यही देखती है, यही सुनती है। इस सोच में बदलाव लाना बहुत जरुरी है। हमें अपनी बच्चियों को ये सिखाना बहुत महत्वपूर्ण है की कोई भी गलत काम के आगे ना झुके, ना सहे। उनकी तालीम ऐसी हो, जो उन्हें हिम्मतवान बनाये, आगे और ऊँचा बढ़ने का हौसला और जूनून दे। उन्हें समझ दे की असली जीवनसाथी पैसे में नहीं, प्यार में तुलता है। जिस दिन देश के कोने कोने में औरत इतनी शक्तिशाली हो जाएगी, वीमेन’स डे उस दिन मनाने में कोई हर्ज़ा नहीं। उस दिन अलग से कोई तोहफा खरीदने की भी जरुरत नहीं।

कुछ ऐसे उदाहरण है, जो मन को शान्ति पहुँचाते है कहीं ना कहीं शायद समय और मानसकिता बदल रही है, कैसे,शादी में होने वाला अनावश्यक खर्च बचा के किसानो की मदद की गयी, यह बात तारीफ और दुआओं के काबिल है, Hats Off !

वीमेन'स डे मनाने के पहले सोचे की इस दिन का आपके लिए क्या अर्थ है और जिस नारी शक्ति को आप सम्मानित करने जा रहे है उसे आपके सम्मान-साथ या आर्थिक तोहफों की भेंट स्वीकार्य होगी?

The Body, the Excess Baggage and 2016!

Yay! This New Year post was written for Blogadda's #TalesOf2015! activity and scored a place in the top 20 entries. Here is the list. 

Time is the only eternal change in universe. It never stops changing. The moment which we call present will become past in blink of an eye. Months, weeks and days become memories with each breath we take. Yes, like every other year, 2015 has also bid adieu and we welcomed 2016 with hopes and aspirations anew. Changing years mark not only change in calendar but provide us with a new beginning. Sometimes, I wonder if these are meant to give us fresh perspective in the monotony of life and everyday struggles.

I love new years because this is my shot at change. It’s a standard day to look back, a day to smile and learn. The biggest smile that 2015 brought to me was when I became a mom (again). Believe me, it’s so much harder to be mothering more than one. I am growing everyday as a person. Every day I am learning to be a mother, all over again. To understand and tend to the needs of two children, one being a baby who can’t speak and the other one, all expressive and letting you know she requires attention like before! Oh! It’s like walking on a tightrope and you can’t fall. But the runs between Ballet classes to diaper changes, the clock ticking with feeding times to early morning school preparations, this adrenalin rush brings a bliss of its own kind and will give birth to a lifetime of memories. Amen!

With this expected joy came lot of unexpected events. All related to my physical being! I never imagined this would affect my family in ways I never knew. This included my own expectations from myself, as a new mother. It was no less than an encounter with the End and yes, the saying, ‘health is wealth’, for the very first time in my left made sense. It’s so important to be healthy. Lying helplessly on the hospital bed, I was only thinking of myself, my body. It is all what matters in the end- the physical presence. Till Oxygen reaches your lung and you exhale Carbon-Dioxide, you are very much alive and yes, we are responsible to keep doing this beautifully for as long as possible. In those unhealthy moments, days and weeks, I took a solemn pledge to earn as much as wealth of health as possible, each day of my life now onwards. So, 2016 is all about the physical body because everything else just follows.

Like every year, I am not going to make a book full of resolutions. I think a lot of us do that and then after a few enthusiastic days, we shrink back in our efforts. 2016, this year, it will be something good, something healthy, at least one minute a day. In one of the books I read last year, they gave this amazing power of one-minute in my hands. Yes, this one-minute everyday will gradually bring us countless minutes without sulking, getting demotivated or just plain lazy. We all do that at some point.

For this, I am going to do as much as with my power, and all that which is in my power. Starting with, 2016, I am just going to let go of the 'excess baggage'! All the excess baggage that has cluttered my being has to go away this year (with a hope to learn to minimize accumulation of this clutter the rest of my life). As human beings we are hoarders. We hoard material things, abstract ideas, dead relationships and tons of memories. We as human beings can achieve so much, only if we find our inner symmetry. The perfect symmetry of the body with the mind. Starting with my physical body, I am going to reach to my mastermind. I am glad 2015 hit me hard and posed before me a few very basic yet very big questions-

Do I know how to breathe?

Google Image 

We all breathe to live. Have you ever thought to live to breathe? A few of us who practice various breathing exercises or those who practice meditation through breathing right knows the bliss in प्राण वायु ('praan vayu', the oxygen that keeps us kicking and writing). 2016 I am going to let go of all the unforgiving air my lungs receive. Yes, breathing right is an art, and this year I want to learn it from scratch, unlearning everything unnecessary. I am going to reward my lungs by opening them fully, breathing the essence of human existence. Easy it may seem to read but very difficult to achieve it if you have been doing it wrong all your lives. The trick is to learn it mindfully, not to lose hope and practice everyday. 

Is my mind free from fear?

There is a certain fear in my mind that may not make sense to a lot of you. Imagine a dangerous situation and you have to run for life. The only problem is I can't run! 2016 I am going to let go of the fear of being unable to run. Yes, unbelievable it may seem but I am bad at running. I gasp for air after a few minutes. Yes, I need to work on my breathing but I also need stamina. 2016 I am going to let go of the excess flab I have accumulated without being in need of it. I am not a polar bear who eats and hibernates. I am just storing, not even hibernating. I dream of fitting in my old clothes. My old pictures haunt me. To achieve these wishes, I have decided to lock horns with my weakness and signed up for a 5K run. I am practicing every day with a professional plan. Oh boy! it's hard to run for 1 minute for me and 5K is a 30-minute estimate. The trick is not to give up, let the oxygen in and keep running.

Do I have endless disk space?

Equally important for physical well being is to declutter those memoirs, endless burdening emotions and people/acquaintances/so-called friends which do not provide any life-juice. Our heads often are filled with lots of old memories that wrap us tight and make it impossible to make new beginnings. We consicously and unconsciously make comparisons, become envious, nag and whine. This all takes away many useful moments from our life, which can be creative and productive as well as helpful for others. 2016 I am going to let go of unnecessary burden from my mind and heart. This is in the form of emotional baggage. By making space in my heart, I am going to value the valuables, save time for tasks that will let me grow as a person and I will show gratitude to at least one thing/person every day. Decluttering may be hard but so important.

Do I need everything that I own?

To further let go of the excess baggage, I am planning to target to lighten my house. Giving away the

From Google Images

gently used clothes to the needy and homeless, the books read over and over again would be donated to the local library, thus spreading the love of reading. Toys would go to a orphanage and many other accumulated material things would have to go away this year. 2016 I am going to let go of everything material I am not using, and can be reused by someone in need.

As I list all my let-go(s) of 2016, I am starting to visualize how much light my body and my mind would be feeling. I just can't wait to actually make it happen. I know I am dreaming big but 2015 taught me the importance of right things, and 2016 will see the body changing and the excess baggage exiting my being. Amen!

This was my world in a recap and a glimpse of my dreams and goals for 2016. Enjoy, if you want a recap of our world in the year just went by-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEzyex2HvqA

P.S.-“I’m sharing my #TalesOf2015 with BlogAdda.”

Responsible Tourism is about Respect!

“A true conservationist is a man who knows that the world is not given by his fathers, but borrowed from his children.” —John James Audubon

Ria and Jia, the 9-year old twins rushed around the coffee table in the living room. The excitement was clearly evident in their bright sparkly eyes. Summer vacations were almost nearing and they had big plans to enjoy, enjoy and enjoy. Today, their dad was to tell them options where they can go for their annual vacation. It was sort of a family tradition for the Mehtas to relax and have fun at a historical heritage site, safari park or nature getaways. Everyone looked forward to it.

Finally the moment! Dad brought brochures from a travel agent and few travel magazines showcasing beauty and bliss. From the majestic palaces in Rajasthan to beautiful beaches in Kerala, from the snowy treat in Himachal to the temples in Gujarat, from the museums in Delhi to the sweet delights in Calcutta...the girls started weaving colorful, happy thoughts from which they would make a warm blanket of memories until the next year summer vacations. The family talked about what each one of wanted from the vacation. Mrs. Mehta wanted to visit temples and reflect on the divine ideals and beliefs they stood for. Mr. Mehta wanted a relaxing trip with the family. He wanted to be at a place abundant with natural scenery away from the hullaballoo of everyday chores. The little twins wished for melody of waterfalls, a camp made cosy with their sleeping bags and a lantern, sights of wild animals, scent of fauna. Yes, they dreamt of adventure. They all had different places they wanted to go but before they could decide, today, Mr. Mehta had an important thing to discuss, especially with the girls. He wanted these holidays to be extra special. Not only he wanted relaxation and fun but education to go hand in hand.

Carefully he picked a packet of flash cards from his office bag. Ria and Jia were curious, what they were and what the print with pictures in them stood for. Mr. Mehta then told the girls, it’s time for all of them to be Responsible Tourists. Mrs. Mehta nodded and smiled, thinking that this was going to be the learning for life.

1) Flora and Fauna:

Who doesn't like the peace of nature, the music of sea waves, the purity of sea-surf, the echoes in mountains, the buzzing of bees in lush green forests. Most of us have enjoyed or at least wished for watching orange Sunset with seagulls calling, wandering relaxedly amidst tall green trees and wild animals . What if the dream never comes true because we didn't care enough for it?

2) Disposables & Trash:

Travel inevitably generates piles of trash. Ranging from various paper brochures to packets of chips we enjoy en route our journey to disposables we use. The foremost job as a responsible tourist is to reduce our usage of such products and then when their purpose is served, dispose it rightfully. Even trash has it's rightful place. Yes, a trash can/dust-bin. If you don't find any at a particular moment, make your own. Assign a bag as a trash-bag and collect all travel-generated trash in it. Dispose one when you can. Be Responsible for your own waste.

3) Yes to Memories, No to Carbon-footprint:

Travel with loved ones or in beloved nature or majestic buildings is a sure way to please the eyes and mind. Vacations add to the album of life the beautiful memories to linger on in the monotony of life. Make memories not your carbon-footprint. Carbon footprint indicates the amount of greenhouse gases emitted by human activities during a certain period of time. It is expressed in tonnes of Carbon produced.

Here's how you can reduce the production of carbon footprint during (and also in general) your vacation-

1)Track mileage and efficiency of your vehicles -rented or personal. Avoid modes of transport that emit lots of smoke and gases like nitrogen oxide, carbon-dioxide in huge amounts.
2)If possible, go for hybrid vehicles. Do your bit. It makes a difference.

4) Energy- Preserve and Conserve- You will be lifeless without it:
Imagine no electricity to charge your smartphones! Phew! How many of us do not panic when the battery is dying and we are away from chargers or power sources! No television or no light bulb, no laptops no flame to make breads on. Yes, life would be lifeless without energy. 

• So you are in a hotel, why bother to shut the lights/fan/air conditioning! No, be responsible and keep lights and air-conditioning to your room off when not needed or while going out.
• Do you imagine how many gallons of water is needed to wash towels/napkins? How much energy is spent in the process! Just because the hotels give you new towel service every day, do not give them to laundry. Reuse them just as you do at your home. Think before you drop them for laundry.

 

5) Relish & Cherish the 'Local':

Local art, handicrafts, textured woven fabrics, story-based music, rituals etc, they all have a earthen touch and fragrance to them. A lot of places local artisans are facing problems to keep up their only source of livelihood. As a responsible tourist, we should encourage their art. An important thing to follow is not to bargain unnecessarily. We would be ready to spend hundreds of rupees in fancy restaurants but to buy from these artisans, we bargain.  Avoid it and ask others to avoid it too.

Responsible Tourism is about sustainability and ecological conservation. We need to be accountable. We need to be responsible for our actions and for acts of our fellow men and women. Don't just preach. Act and set examples for others. Our children will learn more from seeing us follow certain rules and ethics than watching and listening us teach them. Footprint Network measures Footprint and Biocapacity in global hectares. The figures for India are shocking. Look for yourself-

Ecological assets are at the core of every nation's long-term wealth. Yet today, population growth and consumption patterns are putting more pressure on our planet's ecosystems, as seen in water shortages, reduced cropland productivity, deforestation, biodiversity loss, fisheries collapse and climate change. Ecological Footprint accounting compares how much demand human consumption places on the biosphere (Ecological Footprint) to the area, or supply, of productive land available to meet this demand (biocapacity). Both Footprint and biocapacity are measured in global hectares. Footprint accounting exposes the unique risks and opportunities that natural resource constraints pose to each nation.

(Source: Footprint Network, Ecological Footprint-India)

Responsible Tourism is about Respect and Responsibility. Respect the place, act responsibly. Being a tourist does not mean we have rights to act irresponsibly and recklessly.  Enjoy but with caution so as not to disturb the environment. If each one of us starts thinking and acting with little prudence, we and many generations to come can enjoy the magical beauty of mother Earth. 

Like Jia and Ria's father, Mr. Mehta, let's start educating our kids about responsible tourism. Let's begin with being one. Cherish our Earth and it's jewels to pass on to generations to come. 

***

I am blogging for #ResponsibleTourism activity by Outlook Traveller in association with BlogAdda”. This post speaks my thoughts about Responsible Tourism. An initiative that aims at- "Better places for people to live, and better places for people to visit." 

When A Note Ends A Marriage!

The pressure on young women to get married – never end a marriage – has dire consequences for some marriages, and lives.

Hailing from a country which heavily breathes on mostly one relationship between men and women, i.e. the fatal attraction, it is not uncommon to find parents searching for an appropriate life partner for their daughter. The times have still not changed in most parts of India, where, as a girl turns 18-23, the pressure gets more and more intense for her to be wed.

No doubt, the metros see a sea change with increasing number of live-in relationships but it’s a fact that this number is not huge. Many a girl is raised with the thought that she have to beautify someone else’s life, primarily her future husband’s. How often are parents seen teaching their girls about their own happiness, about their own peace, let alone the comfort of having sex as per their wishes and agreement?

Next, the wedding is a huge affair. Pomp and show, give and take, the forms of ostentation are numerous. Less are the objections to this style of wedding, and more the cases where the money spent sweeps the floor under the bride’s family. Parents save all their life to have a great wedding for their daughter. Mothers often are seen collecting gold, little by little for their girls. The bride’s dress, the jewelry, the beauty, the sanskaar (values) have to be impeccable but who questions the bridegroom! Just the fact he is a boy spares him of all the horror of evaluation and embarrassment.

Once happily wed, what is the proportion of ‘happily ever after’? How happy a girl now the daughter-in-law is, is measured by her husband’s love for her, the degree of comfort she finds in her new home. But, it is not hard to find as well as not much easier to believe, that a girl raised to be a future daughter-in-law can have her own personality.

How often does she feels betrayed by just the upbringing, the norms of society, the laws of the world, God’s categorization of man and woman….but whom can she question? One day, she just quits or exits the worldly affairs with a note full of questions and the ink reeks of the stench of the life she lived!

Just a note

Do I belong in your arms

Or in the solace of my being?

Hard to answer

Easy at first it may seem.

Outside the window

the trees stand naked

I wonder if they knew

the green is going to betray them?

Life’s a jungle

Dense, dark and cold

You don’t stand unique

For life to rain dark clouds on.

I wonder every now and then,

If I ask a valid question?

Harsh to predict

How innocuous that may look,

In the lines of her hand

She scratches a name

I wonder if she knew

If the henna colours-on or the future bleeds?

Where do I belong?

Immaterial, trivial, senseless-

A question it may seem

To a whole lot,

‘Cos they often think

Etched in the numerous moments

Your name and my being

Aren’t they one?

Endless trials to find

The answer

Yet standing empty-handed

With a heart hollow of love

I decide to take matters

In my custody and

I quit!

*This post was originally published at Women's Web: http://www.womensweb.in/2014/05/end-a-marriage/

You are not your skin-color!

Black Dolls, White Dolls : Every Doll Is Beautiful

We often confine beauty to outer appearances, especially complexion. Here is one of my post originally published on Women's Web, that talks about why each one of us is beautiful in our own way, and we must love ourselves!

Last week, when I went to buy a doll for my daughter, one thing that caught my attention was that all the dolls were fair skinned! It left me with a question that has haunted me numerous times. What is it with the colour of the skin that overpowers one’s heart like gold or conscience as clear as water? Why this bias in our society that lets us knowingly or subconsciously make a judgement or opinion about a person with dark skin-tone?

The desire to have a ‘gori bahu’ (fair-skinned daughter-in-law) is not uncommon. How many times have we heard in our families “you know, Malati (XYZ) is so beautiful, she is fair” ? How many times have we found ourselves appreciating someone’s beauty just because of their fair skin colour? We are all a part of this system, the scale does not matter. 

How many times have we found ourselves appreciating someone's beauty just because of their fair skin colour?

 Then there comes the media! Media – isn’t it supposed to be the mirror of society and at the same time, aid in enlightening the community about its evils and fallacies? Look at our age-old and famous Fair and Lovely cream. It is the leading skin-whitening cream for women in India. Back in 2007, its television advertisements were stopped owing to their propagating the message “white is beautiful”.

Before the ads were stopped, how many innocent hearts were influenced? How many dreams to become fairer and more successful, shattered? Can we give a thought – why did this happen and is this over now? The reasons are simple – our beliefs, thought-process, peer-pressure, inferiority complex and many similar ones. Just imagine, how pathetic and heart-wrenching  would it feel to be uncomfortable in your skin!

How pathetic and heart-wrenching would it feel to be uncomfortable in your skin!

One of the most surprising facts I learnt living outside India, now for almost 10 years, is that black is not always beautiful everywhere. Yes, you read it right!

Clark couple (Kenneth Clark and Mamie Clark) were psychologists of African-American origin. They are famous for their “Dolls experiment”. This was conducted in the 1940s to study how black children felt about their race, esp. their colour. They started with two white and two brown dolls. Children were asked questions like which is a doll they would like to play with/a doll which is nice/which is a bad doll.

It was found that a majority of children rejected the dark (black or brown) doll. When they were asked which was a doll that was like them, the children chose the rejected dolls. Some didn’t answer or just left the room. How traumatic! Such low self-esteem in children; where will it take them? Will they ever be able to get out of this thought-process?

Today, we are dealing with inhumane behaviour towards girls. There are no answers about safety. We have to start changing our attitude towards a lot of things – be it physical strength of women or their mental power. We have to start with self-love.

Love thyself. These are a few points which we, as women, cannot miss:

• You are not your skin colour or the fat you have on your skeleton! You are not born for the body. The body is the chariot and your soul, the charioteer. Be guided to success and happiness.
• Accept yourself for what you are and what you can achieve with your hard-work, knowledge, and passion.
• Charity begins at home and change starts with self. Do not wait till society changes its perception about you. Question- do you like yourself? If not, why? What is it that you have yet to achieve that will make you feel confident? Who stops you? Break the shackles of your mind and liberate yourself !
• Do not copy. God made you original, why to try to be like someone else?
• Be kind and peaceful. These are virtues that will make you strong to tackle any battle life throws at you.