These Days!

Life's become so unrecognizable

mine and yours

and of the neighbor's who lives next door

and the one who lives at the far end of the street,

and countless others whom I don't know!

Waking up each morning

holding a strand of hope,

wishing for courage and peace

to get by this day, with grace and life

and without fear of the next day!

Living each day with memories

of people close to your heart,

head dug deep in piles of endless work 

but heart yearning to break free and to

relish the warmth that once used to exist!

Mind often finds itself in muddles,

dilemmas and dark thoughts,

juggling between the strong and the 

weak side of inner self

chanting the mantra of the hour 'hang on'!

Amidst of the mind and the heart 

tricks and the dreams to pursue,

I stand up for one more day with gratitude

ready to sing, write and dance a little

and rinse & repeat!

***

BROKEN...

The artifact you held on to your heart

shatters in a million tiny pieces,

You stand there and wonder

How to bring it together 

Where do you start?

Which corner you begin picking with?

Which direction you go?

Which piece to preserve?

and what to let go!

Amidst all this uncertainty 

You are blatantly aware

It won’t be the same marvel again

As it used to be once,

The strength the grace

It won’t anymore exhibit,

May be the pieces will

Make a mosaic of its own,

But won’t be quite the same!

No matter how broken it looks

Even after piecing up,

Remember it was once yours-

A thing of joy, and peace,

Hold on to it,

Face it eye to eye with head held high

with strength in your heart and

a prayer on your lips!

That’s what it’s all about...Hope amidst pieces.

***

Image Courtesy: Google Images

इंतजार

बहुत दिन गुजरे 

मैंने उन गलियों का फेरा नहीं किया 

जिन पर उगे नीम की निम्बोलियाँ 

फोड़ते पिचकाते बिताई हमने

जाने कितनी जेठ की दोपहरें।

लाखों अरबों लम्हे बीत गये

नहीं चखा मोहब्बत का वो जाम,

जानते हो न 

तुम ही थे वो स्वाद 

वो मधुशाला का मधु 

और मेरा प्याला।

बीती सदियाँ, 

गर्मियों में तुम्हारे

पैरों का मखमल 

नहीं टकराया मेरे पैरों से,

बहुत रातें बीत गयी 

मैंने नहीं ओढ़ा तुम्हें

जाने कितनी शीत ऋतुयें आई-गई 

गरमाई जाने कहाँ गुम हुई…. 

बीतती रही घड़ियाँ 

गुजरती हुई निकली सदियाँ 

मैं आज भी वही खड़ी 

लेकर हाथ में खाली प्याला 

शायद कभी वो रस फिर से 

होठों तक आये 

जिसका स्वाद होठों से रूह तक 

छूकर सदियाँ मीठी कर गया। 

Image Courtesy: Google Images, a Painting by Hemant Majumdar. 

अम्मा का दरवाजा!

वो जो बड़ा-सा दरवाज़ा था

जिसमें दमकते थे लाखों सूरज हर पल में

जिसमें दिखाई देता था चाँद का शीतल अक्स

जिसमें झरने की कल-कल, समुद्र का फेन दोनों ही साथ निभाते थे,

जिसमें हाथों की लकीरों के कोई मायने न थे

बस था हौसला, विश्वास और नित-नयी उम्मीदें।

मालूम पड़ता है

वो स्रोता किसी मायूस हुए दरीचे-सा वीरान पड़ा है

अब कोई वहाँ आता जाता नहीं,

कोई पुकार, कोई हँसी-मुस्कराहट नहीं,

कोई रौशनी नहीं जन्मती हरी दूब-सी कोमलता,

सूखे पत्तों पर भी कोई सरसराहट नहीं,

शांत, वीरान जैसे चाँद हो, एकदम अकेला। ..

हाँ, अम्मा के घर का दरवाज़ा बंद हो रहा

हर दिन, जाती हुई साँसों-प्राणों जैसा

वह घर जहाँ कईओं ने जन्म लिया, रूप-सीरत संजोई

आज अम्मा उसी घर के छोटे, सीलन भरी लकड़ी के नम दरीचे पर

खड़ी ताक रही है शून्य को,

न जाने क्या मांग रही है,

स्वयं के लिए एक नया द्वार या

दरीचे से ही आ जाये एक छटाँक भर रौशनी!

PS: Image Courtesy: Google images

चाय और तुम

एक के बाद 

एक और, उसके बाद 

कई और 

चाय की प्यालियों की चुस्कियाँ 

अक्सर मुझे नहीं उबारती 

तुम्हारी यादों की तलब से। 

कम्भख्त ये तो 

मीठी अदरक-वाली चाय 

में भी 

नशा भर देती है 

और दिन ढलने पर रह जाते है 

यादों में डूबे शब्द 

और 

कई खाली पड़े 

चाय के प्याले। 

Image Courtesy: Google Images

Memories!

Haphazard

Zigzagged

Crazy

Painful

Mad

Lovable

Unforgettable

Random

Soulful...

They come back

without him,

She, Sighs

Opens her eyes

A tear drop stops at her eyelid

The one big enough

to wet her soul,

Deep enough

to let her words leave

But 

May be, she learnt a lesson

She closes her eyes

and shuts them,

the Memories!

***

Image Source: Google

Vacation!

Drop them!

Those who don't recognize you,

Those who leave your hands on a crossroad,

Those who do not value your heart

Life's too short to have them!

Embrace a new Sun

Take a dip in the Mediterranean

Dress up like you never did before!

Wear those white shoes that take you miles

The satin-laced bra you never tried

The shirt that pictures the universe

The shorts that makes you feel young

The necklace that touches your heart

Put on the glares

that filter the unnecessary

Yes, drape them all and drop 'them' all

Go on a Vacation with your new self!

Picture Source

Guarded!

Photo by Caroline Knopf

Guarded she stands

Once an ardent lover

Her heart made of embellished gold

Body pure as peace of dove

Love breathed in the red of her body,

'In the soul of her being!

She dreamt, she acted

She touched, she kissed

She made love to love

But grief, a constant part of life

Just like waves to shore

'Lost all she had

Rather she thought she had

Gone was the one she believed

She understood a 'soulmate'

But above all

Lost was the capacity to love 

Today,

 Guarded she stands

By the very shore of life

No one can touch her

No one can break her

ANYMORE!

PS: Loved writing this poem for Magpie Tales #305

उस दीवार के पीछे...

Image Source

कुछ लोग रहते है उस दीवार के पीछे

होते है मेरी ही तरह बने हुए,

करता है शिरकत लाल ही खून उनकी रगों में,

बसते है ख्वाब भी उनकी आँखों में,

होते है उनके भी कुछ दुःख दर्द, आंसूँ और गम,

हाँ! कुछ लोग रहते है उस दीवार के पीछे

होते है मेरी ही तरह बने हुए.

है वो भी किसी राखी का रेशम,

किसी घर का सुनहरा दीपक

किसी के दिल का आराम होते है वो भी

पर मालूम न चल सका क्यों दी बंदूके उन्हें?

चाहते तो थे वे भी इक मिला जुला संसार

फिर क्यों?

आखिर क्यूँ बदल दिया उनका रास्ता चल पड़ने के पहले ही?

हाँ! कुछ लोग रहते है उस दीवार के पीछे

होते है मेरी ही तरह बने हुए.

'उन' पीछे वालों को थमा तो दी विनाश-सामग्री 

पर न सोचा क्या उन्होंने न गाया कोई सुखी गान?

क्या नहीं स्वर दिया विश्व एकता के भावों को?

नहीं हुई तमन्ना फूलों और भवरों की उन्हें?

फिर क्यों?

आखिर क्यूँ बदल दिया उनका रास्ता चल पड़ने के पहले ही?

हाँ! कुछ लोग रहते है उस दीवार के पीछे

होते है मेरी ही तरह बने हुए.

The Body, the Excess Baggage and 2016!

Yay! This New Year post was written for Blogadda's #TalesOf2015! activity and scored a place in the top 20 entries. Here is the list. 

Time is the only eternal change in universe. It never stops changing. The moment which we call present will become past in blink of an eye. Months, weeks and days become memories with each breath we take. Yes, like every other year, 2015 has also bid adieu and we welcomed 2016 with hopes and aspirations anew. Changing years mark not only change in calendar but provide us with a new beginning. Sometimes, I wonder if these are meant to give us fresh perspective in the monotony of life and everyday struggles.

I love new years because this is my shot at change. It’s a standard day to look back, a day to smile and learn. The biggest smile that 2015 brought to me was when I became a mom (again). Believe me, it’s so much harder to be mothering more than one. I am growing everyday as a person. Every day I am learning to be a mother, all over again. To understand and tend to the needs of two children, one being a baby who can’t speak and the other one, all expressive and letting you know she requires attention like before! Oh! It’s like walking on a tightrope and you can’t fall. But the runs between Ballet classes to diaper changes, the clock ticking with feeding times to early morning school preparations, this adrenalin rush brings a bliss of its own kind and will give birth to a lifetime of memories. Amen!

With this expected joy came lot of unexpected events. All related to my physical being! I never imagined this would affect my family in ways I never knew. This included my own expectations from myself, as a new mother. It was no less than an encounter with the End and yes, the saying, ‘health is wealth’, for the very first time in my left made sense. It’s so important to be healthy. Lying helplessly on the hospital bed, I was only thinking of myself, my body. It is all what matters in the end- the physical presence. Till Oxygen reaches your lung and you exhale Carbon-Dioxide, you are very much alive and yes, we are responsible to keep doing this beautifully for as long as possible. In those unhealthy moments, days and weeks, I took a solemn pledge to earn as much as wealth of health as possible, each day of my life now onwards. So, 2016 is all about the physical body because everything else just follows.

Like every year, I am not going to make a book full of resolutions. I think a lot of us do that and then after a few enthusiastic days, we shrink back in our efforts. 2016, this year, it will be something good, something healthy, at least one minute a day. In one of the books I read last year, they gave this amazing power of one-minute in my hands. Yes, this one-minute everyday will gradually bring us countless minutes without sulking, getting demotivated or just plain lazy. We all do that at some point.

For this, I am going to do as much as with my power, and all that which is in my power. Starting with, 2016, I am just going to let go of the 'excess baggage'! All the excess baggage that has cluttered my being has to go away this year (with a hope to learn to minimize accumulation of this clutter the rest of my life). As human beings we are hoarders. We hoard material things, abstract ideas, dead relationships and tons of memories. We as human beings can achieve so much, only if we find our inner symmetry. The perfect symmetry of the body with the mind. Starting with my physical body, I am going to reach to my mastermind. I am glad 2015 hit me hard and posed before me a few very basic yet very big questions-

Do I know how to breathe?

Google Image 

We all breathe to live. Have you ever thought to live to breathe? A few of us who practice various breathing exercises or those who practice meditation through breathing right knows the bliss in प्राण वायु ('praan vayu', the oxygen that keeps us kicking and writing). 2016 I am going to let go of all the unforgiving air my lungs receive. Yes, breathing right is an art, and this year I want to learn it from scratch, unlearning everything unnecessary. I am going to reward my lungs by opening them fully, breathing the essence of human existence. Easy it may seem to read but very difficult to achieve it if you have been doing it wrong all your lives. The trick is to learn it mindfully, not to lose hope and practice everyday. 

Is my mind free from fear?

There is a certain fear in my mind that may not make sense to a lot of you. Imagine a dangerous situation and you have to run for life. The only problem is I can't run! 2016 I am going to let go of the fear of being unable to run. Yes, unbelievable it may seem but I am bad at running. I gasp for air after a few minutes. Yes, I need to work on my breathing but I also need stamina. 2016 I am going to let go of the excess flab I have accumulated without being in need of it. I am not a polar bear who eats and hibernates. I am just storing, not even hibernating. I dream of fitting in my old clothes. My old pictures haunt me. To achieve these wishes, I have decided to lock horns with my weakness and signed up for a 5K run. I am practicing every day with a professional plan. Oh boy! it's hard to run for 1 minute for me and 5K is a 30-minute estimate. The trick is not to give up, let the oxygen in and keep running.

Do I have endless disk space?

Equally important for physical well being is to declutter those memoirs, endless burdening emotions and people/acquaintances/so-called friends which do not provide any life-juice. Our heads often are filled with lots of old memories that wrap us tight and make it impossible to make new beginnings. We consicously and unconsciously make comparisons, become envious, nag and whine. This all takes away many useful moments from our life, which can be creative and productive as well as helpful for others. 2016 I am going to let go of unnecessary burden from my mind and heart. This is in the form of emotional baggage. By making space in my heart, I am going to value the valuables, save time for tasks that will let me grow as a person and I will show gratitude to at least one thing/person every day. Decluttering may be hard but so important.

Do I need everything that I own?

To further let go of the excess baggage, I am planning to target to lighten my house. Giving away the

From Google Images

gently used clothes to the needy and homeless, the books read over and over again would be donated to the local library, thus spreading the love of reading. Toys would go to a orphanage and many other accumulated material things would have to go away this year. 2016 I am going to let go of everything material I am not using, and can be reused by someone in need.

As I list all my let-go(s) of 2016, I am starting to visualize how much light my body and my mind would be feeling. I just can't wait to actually make it happen. I know I am dreaming big but 2015 taught me the importance of right things, and 2016 will see the body changing and the excess baggage exiting my being. Amen!

This was my world in a recap and a glimpse of my dreams and goals for 2016. Enjoy, if you want a recap of our world in the year just went by-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEzyex2HvqA

P.S.-“I’m sharing my #TalesOf2015 with BlogAdda.”

Love, I Ran After...

Charing Cross Road, 1937 by Wolfgang Suschitzky

Is it all we had?

Affection, love, joy

Where is it now we that shared?

Eyes as big as yours

Remember, I wanted to drown in

Dive in the love I called 'first',

Talks as sweet as yours

Intoxicated I was at every syllable

I wonder it was the love-nectar.

We held hands often

Clenched each other's emotions

Stole a touch, here & there

Hallucinating was the love

I, hypnotized to a world

Completely different, completely new.

Today, It's as if I woke up

The world once again, completely new,

A world devoid of you,

Unbearable, unfathomable

Excruciating desperateness 

A pain so dark, inside me .

Yet, I wonder

What goes inside you

Your eyes notice any of it!

Or, was I just a ripple in the rain

in a world grey and black

Was I the one running blindly

on a road slippery!

Whatever it was,

"It" stays in my heart

Imprinted on my soul

To go away with my ashes....

P.S.: Penned for the image prompt provided by Magpie tales, Mag 300. 

The Parting Kiss...

We couldn't face 

each other in the eye,

for thousands of emotions

galored!

The journey of what seemed life-long

nearing a goodbye

so difficult to accept, 

so difficult to move on.

Holding hands

Grabbing hugs

all we did with an eye on the clock!

Love when confined to the

tick-tock

kills the heart

swifter than a sword's edge.

Ah! the unfortunate moment

arrives,

but we still question 

"how do we arrive?"

how to let go ,

how to end all the helplessness

how to bid farewell

for we don't know the future!

Will the touch and the glimpses

be back?

Will the sharing and laughing

be our very own again?

...

answerless we stand

hugging the souls tight

till

the parting kiss separated us!

***

PS: Written for this speaking image provided by Magpie Tales- Mag 299

तुम और शब्द!

आज फिर शब्दों का दामन थामने

को मन मचला है

कहीं तुम्हें ही तो दिल ने नहीं

याद किया है!

साँसों में भरकर

खुशबू स्याही की,

खत तुम्हारे ही नाम शायद

लिखा जा रहा है!

हरी दूब से कोमल

कागज़ पर उकेरा शब्द

कहीं तुम्हारी ही सीरत

तो नहीं सजा रहा है!

दिन बहुत बीते

बीते कई वर्ष

न रुकता है, न थमता है

यह रिश्ता

तुम्हारा और मेरे शब्दों का!

Image Courtesy: Google Images

"The Sun & the Moon"

April 14, 2014, we saw the Lunar Eclipse. The highlight was the 'Blood Moon'. I never thought Moon could look so romantic. My better half clicked this beautiful photo and yes, now we have the memory of watching it together on that breezy night. 

I wrote this poem "The Sun & the Moon" a few months ago, and found the combination of the click & the poem satisfying.

मन करता है…

"Togetherness"

साँसों में भरकर 

तुम्हारी खुशबू 

आज जीवन को मीठे शहद-सा 

जीने को मन करता है .... 

उँगलियों में फँसा कर 

तुम्हारी उंगलियाँ 

आज सफर लम्बा 
तय करने को मन करता है .... 

पैरों की आहटों में 

रुनझुन तुम्हारी सुन कर 

आज मोहब्बत की ख़ामोशी में 

मदहोश होने को मन करता है .... 

हर पोर में होते स्पंदन 

तुम्हारे स्पर्श से 

सात जन्मों तक बस तेरा ही 

रह जाने को मन करता है  .... 

(Image clicked at Huntington Beach, California)

For you Mom!

For a valentine who's loved all the year through and even beyond that. Words fail to show love and affection for her, a little effort to tell her she is the best! I am glad this poem is published in the first quarter of 2014,  in "Hindi Chetna", a literary publication from Canada. A small gift to mom this Valentine....

"माँ- आप" 

आम के बौर-सी 

भीनी-सी माँ,

गर्मी में गुलमोहर-सी 

साहसी-सी माँ,

जेठ की दोपहरी में 

छाँव-सी माँ,

गिरते हुए पलों में 

आशा-सी माँ,

पहाड़ों के गिरते झरनों में 

कलकल-सी माँ,

सुबह-सुबह के पंछियों-सी 

चहचाहट-सी माँ ,

लड़खड़ाते कदमों में 

संबल-सी माँ,

जीवन के रसों में 

शृंगार-सी माँ,

यादों की झलकियों में,

कृष्णा-सी माँ,

संसार के समस्त रूपों में 

आत्मा-सी माँ  

My Platinum (Shhh! Love Story)!

He was an NRI, I, a simple girl from India. He was outgoing, me an introvert. He was ambitious, me living life as it came. Yet, we bonded together. Don't know how! May be opposites attract was just coming in action, and I was holding my heart which was constantly running out to the man in front of me. This man, who could be my life partner, not for this birth but for the seven next ones as believed in the Hindu way of living...I was falling in love for sure!

Love, an overrated word, and I think the most googled word too. Who is not in search of this divine feeling? When our families met and they fell in love with each other (as happens only in India, marriage is the coming together of two families to be one!) , then we were introduced. We knew that the moms have liked the moms, the dads have bonded well and talked their secrets of trade together, the siblings have discussed, gossiped and made friends with each other, it was only me and 'Him' who were aliens to each other, except the bio-data stats we knew. We were put up to meet at a place which was replicating a small village in Rajasthan. The atmosphere was no where romantic, but was traditional. I wonder, if the parents knew the kids would drown in love and be lost in the romantic sea, so guard them with traditional ambience. Voila! how right were the parents, as always! 

'Him' and I started talking, and to our surprise none of us felt we could be talking to our future partner. We hit upon our school days, our love for reading, music and poetry. We laughed together, and I still remember our families going crazy by our look and wondering, "hey, are they gonna be married or staying friends". That ease of talking, laughing and sharing prompted us to like each other. "A husband is a friend forever" was the kind of husband I always believed in. I wanted a best friend with my hands in his hands. I wanted to see my 'bestest' buddy's face every morning I woke up. I wanted to roll in laughter at a comedy movie with my closest pal who won't stop laughing seeing me rolling! Yes, I was definitely falling, you could say, drowning in love with 'Him'. 

The evening went relaxed, we finished our awesome Rajasthan cuisine and came to realize we liked same food too. The love for music, the friendliness, the mutual comfort in talking, the dream to become someone in life, the family values we shared ...yes, I think it was an YES. The moment we bid goodbyes, I still remember the way he said, "it was nice meeting you, Shaifali"! My heart leaped and I was nervous, because somewhere in my heart I was saying the same, "it was nice meeting you!".  

No wonder, the night turned out to be a day, I was wide awake. I was listening to his voice as I lay awake that night in my bed. I was happy to have found whom my parents adored and whom I liked, and with whom I wanted to experience the word "Love". The following days were restless, he had said YES. We were going to be engaged!  It was like a love story where I have found my prince charming with whom I could make rare, pure, everlasting love come true.  The day I met him, the day we said 'I do' was like a Platinum day of love for me. I have realized it was he I wanted to spend my life with, it was he that was meant for me and I for him!

After 9 years of being together, of being happily married, I can say it was a Platinum choice I made. True love, like Platinum does't fade away by the mundaneness of everyday chores. 

I wear 'Him' like a smile, like a piece of my soul and I live happily. 

"In the cacophony of the world

In the thick piles of work

In the mundane chores of everyday

In the bustle of crowd

In the bargain of the compromises

In the race of time, 

...I just took a second

   I peeped inside my soul!

I found you-

Rare, Pure, Eternal- my Platinum!"

I know, next year is going to be my Platinum year of continuing eternal love, my Platinum is going to buy a Platinum collectible for me!

*I wrote this heartfelt, real and unshared confession for Platinum Day of Love contest on Indiblogger.

**The image of the hand-cuff bracelet is a capture I took to show my life partner what he should gift me ;). I clicked it while traveling around the globe with him, on a SouthWest flight in California from their 'Sky Mall' promotional magazine!

"Death"

The sky thundered

the meteors showered

the grass shriveled

the snow blackened

the nature resigned...

...suddenly

to realize hands turned red,

the lines on the palm bled

love was killed there-

the 'being' died.

"प्रेम और तुम"

HAIKU, is a Japanese poem of seventeen syllables, in three lines of five, seven and five. Past few weeks, I tried to write Haikus in Hindi. Some of them published on HindiHaiku.com, a prominent website for Hindi Haiku poetry. Here, are a few of my Haiku creations, published on HindiHaiku.


१)

नदी किनारे 

थामे हुए कलम 

जीती मैं तुम्हें 

२)

तुम्हारा नाम 

उड़ाता मेरा चैन 

हूँ मैं बेहाल 

३)

नारंगी प्रेम 

हरसिंगार-सा तू 

सुबह-सी मैं 

४)

सुरों से तुम 

बने मेरा संगीत 

और मैं गान 

५)

जीवन- अर्थ 

एहसास से तेरे 

नहीं तो व्यर्थ 

Click here to access my page on HindiHaiku-
http://hindihaiku.wordpress.com/category/%E0%A4%B6%E0%A5%88%E0%A4%AB%E0%A4%BE%E0%A4%B2%E0%A5%80-%E0%A4%97%E0%A5%81%E0%A4%AA%E0%A5%8D%E0%A4%A4%E0%A4%BE/