Dec 30, 2011

'कहा पाऊ तुम्हे'?

Dreams always come true when we break the comforts of our sleep and wake up. My poem in-line with this thought-

कभी कभी
जब हद से गुजर जाये
यह बेचैनी,
सोचती हू समेट लू
तुम्हे अपने आगोश मे
लेकिन कहा पाऊ तुम्हे!

इन हवाओं
इन साँसों
इन खुश्बूयों
में तो तुम हो
मगर फिर भी नहीं,
ऐसे ही पलों में
पूछू खुदसे
पूछू तुमसे
कहा पाऊ तुम्हे!

किताबो, शब्दों, हर कागज
की स्याही पर तो तुम हो
मगर कैसे पाऊ तुम्हे.
जब तुम्हारी कमी रुलाने लगे,
तब पूछू हरदम
इन हवायों से-
क्या समेट कर इन किताबो को,
क्या ढालने पर शब्दों को
कागजो पर
पा जाउंगी मै तुम्हे?
हर दम तो दिल नहीं मानता,
कब तक भागू परछाईयों के पीछे?
जानती हू
परछाईयों के पीछे भागकर
ख्वाईशे नहीं मिला करती...
पूछती हू उस  'ईश्वर'  से यह सवाल
'कहा पाऊ तुम्हे'?

Dec 8, 2011


Life is short to see dreams and even shorter to fulfill them. Why do we spend time just thinking about dreams...why dont we act as fast as we dream! Why do we sleep faster than we take time to wake up! Why do we see problems before we see opportunities!

Life is a celebration of being born...of being something. Madness is the answer to live it. Dreams, sometimes to me are like butterflies...colorful , vibrant but very quick in disappearing. Like butterflies, they come and they fly away before I can hold them dear. I guess, I am not good in catching butterflies and keeping them in jars. Hey there, don't take it literally :-)

Reaching a friend and a very dear & one of my favourite blogger, on her Facebook wall, I saw that she loves Paulo Coelho. Then, from one link to another, then to yet another...I found this image. I immediately knew it is the signal from HIM to wake me up from my deep sleep. The image instantly filled me once again with the enthusiasm and love for living the life, the right way. I think its once again (like many other times), the time to make a bucket list and start actually ticking the items soon, very soon before it gets late and me left behind with dreams in the bucket with no energy to bring them out and see them vibrant, colorful and full of life like butterflies.

When I am writing, actually when I dream...I see one person in my eyes, in my mind, in my heart and possibly in my soul- my husband*. He believes in me more than I do myself and I have never seen him sulking down when it comes to his dreams. Sometimes, his enthusiasm, his energy, his passion, his madness for his hobbies and dreams bugs me up...his energy terrifies me! I think, because I lack it. But when I think (and not feel), I see he is the best example for me to live life. Its not many days, we talked about our life (our new life, in USA from France) and the possibilities to live it fully and richly. I hope, this image in this post keep me on my toes for coming many days and weeks. I hope to create a momentum and roll myself up with energies that lead me on the path to my dreams. I wish, all my readers the same energy and sanity to dream and follow their dreams. Amen!

In the end, there's something meant for him*...(the rhyme, the similies, the meter does not matter) but just what comes out of the heart!

Holding hands,
Entwined dreams,
One life we are
Marriage as it is called.

You make me smile
like no one else does.
You think of me
like your own soul.
You dream for me
like I even don't.

Someday, hope very soon
We would stand out
as an energy unit
radiant, vibrant
full of life
& everything
that makes this togetherness a celebration!

Dec 7, 2011

Everything fades away....

सूरज की सुनहरी रौशनी  
चाँद की पवित्र चांदनी
तारो की श्वेत झिलमिल 
सब है मन-मोहिनी जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

चाय के प्याले की गर्माहट
साथ में रखी किताब की खुशबू
मेज पर बिछे सुन्दर फूलों वाला मेजपोश
सब है मिट जाना जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

आज में मन का सुकून
कल में करवट लेती बेचेनी  
मीलो लम्बी चलती जिंदगी
सब है बदल जाना जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

सपने देखे जो बीते कल में
सपने जो जी लिए आज में
सपने जो भरे कल के लिए इन आँखों में
सब हो जाने है पूरे जब इशारा करे 'वो'.

Life is so unpredictable! This is not a statement that is reflecting any positive or negative state of my mind but just a few little experiences here and there. God reigns our lives as much as we reign it ourselves. He is the writer of our destinies and leaves it to us to accomplish them ourselves. He makes us see and admire the beauty of the golden Sun, He makes us enjoy the warmth of beautiful words in a book, the company of a friend, a beloved...but its all on us to make these all worthwhile and ourselves a better person. True, He is the giver but it is equally big responsibility to be the right takers. Eventually everything in this world fades away, so just work in the direction His fingers point and live life His way!

(Penned on 2nd October 2011).

Nov 1, 2011

तुम्हारे लिए.

कविता में तुम
तुम से कविता
और मै कहा बीच मे तुम दोनों के ?
आज यही सोच रही हू मै.
आज जाना मैंने,
आँसूं नमकीन क्यों  होते है
तुम्हारी यादों से जो गुजर
आ बैठे है इन पलकों मे.

Oct 25, 2011


the silence you live into
the love you once fell for
the anger that seeps within you
the anguish your body feels 
the helplessness you see for yourself
the hope of yours that goes dim
the smile that's become a bargain
the tears that come like a high tide...
 ...Break it all,
life is too short for all this!

Get up,
Smile from within,
One day each day is 'yesterday'
& every day will be 'tomorrow'.
Do not sulk,
Have faith,
say a prayer,
light a lamp,
bow your head,
& love HIM again n forever...
 ...and you will be free, my heart n mind.

This poem is inspired by my recently strengthened faith in HIM, the Almighty. Life is too short and far more important than tears and thoughts spent on the very basic nature of life n people. I am happy in this festive season of Diwali, I have seen my light. Now, my head is stronger with the faith in HIM and my heart is filled with joy that he hears my prayers if they are good :-)

I wish all my readers & my friends a very happy Diwali and I hope that your life too will always be guided by HIM.

Oct 21, 2011

I miss you!

I miss much. 

Life is going on a roller coaster pace nowadays. Moving from France to United States, is one hectic task. Most of it is done, but the chores and tasks that remain......they too eat up the energy and peace. I miss you so much, my words. There are hundreds of feelings that grow inside every day but I am not just able to gather enough enthusiasm to weave them into something meaningful. 

Also, I am constrained from quite so many days. I am being more thoughtful and doubtful too, before publishing everything that I feel. My words were never like this..I guess its just a phase and soon, I will have the free flow that was the very nature of my writings.

Till then, I think I am on a small break (though I want to break these constraints as soon as possible). But, may be my restlessness will create something that needs to be here, soon, very soon...who knows! For now, I just have this-

In the rhyme of your name
I found my poem!

Oct 11, 2011


दिन डूबते ही दिल भी डूबने लगता है,
दीप जलते ही किसी की यादों की रोशनी सताने लगती है.......

Shri Jagjit Singhji's ghazal- "दिन डूबा तुम याद आये" ( inspired this poem of mine. I have always been in strong admiration of his ghazals. The pain and love as depicted in his voice is unparallely deep, the one that I have not been able to find & feel in any other ghazal singer's voice. I am sure a lot of fans of JS would agree with me. I don't have the exact number of years with me that I can use and say, yes I have been listening to his ghazals from these many feels like forever from the time I had senses enough to understand, his ghazals were an integral part of my life.

There was a time when we (me & my brother) waited for his new albums. Those were the days of the cassettes...we used to buy JS's albums on our birthdays. I bought a cassette for him on his birthday (just because I wanted to own it), and he used to do the same! JS is no more, he passed away on 10th October, this year, and a lot of people are sad with his demise. For me, this feeling is yet to sink in. I won't ever be able to listen to him 'live' something I feel very bad about. I heard him 'live' on 17th July 1999 when he came to Indore, my home town. I so much wished to listen to him once more, alas! He will always be cherished in hearts of his fans, and his ghazals will always be heard eternally! May he rest in peace forever.

My poem inspired by his this ghazal-

हर आहट पर लगता था
तुम आये हो.

हर खुशबू मे लगता था  
तुम महके हो.

हर झोंके मे लगता था
तुमने छुआ है मुझे.

हर राग मे लगता था
तुमने कुछ कहा है.

हर धड़कन मे लगता था
तुमने ही सांस ली है.


Oct 8, 2011

Broken wings....

The days continue for me, when I have no clue what's inside my heart and what's coming on paper. The day started quite early today as I had a trip to the airport in the wee hours of morning. When I returned I was awake with my sweet ginger tea, a poetry book, some songs and a bit of Facebook. I tried to listen to some new singers (new for me), and eventually from Eagles, Beetles, Celion Dion, Kailash Kher, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan and KK, I finally settled with my ultimate favorite- Jesse McCartney's 'Just So You Know'  ( This is where the seeds of this poem emerges from. I don't think there is any connection, but it's just that the music & emotions in this song that gave me the feel for this particular poem. I want to try a different writing style, few words sketching a picture! Its new for me because I write clear meanings with relatively long poems. But recently, hidden words giving clear picture is what I have on my mind. A small trial, this one-

Stick by stick,
high up in the sky
perhaps just beneath the clouds
she made her nest.

Beautiful mornings took birth
enchanting evenings 
she lived merrily with
when Love reigned.

Today, a storm appeared
it blew everything off
she was found lying wing-less
just when Love left.

Oct 6, 2011

The incomplete!

Thoughts in the mind

Feelings in the heart
my words sat.
They finally drifted away
leaving the pen
& me pained.

Well, surely the words above didn't construct a happy poem. But today it's the truth. In the last one hour, with the heart & mind racing against each other, I wanted to feel unburdened. Therefore, wanted to seek shelter in my poems. I tried to pen different poems on different subjects, everytime thinking may be this would be my vent out. But all words were left incomplete (hence an incomplete me)...leaving me a handful of poems with different emotions. In one of the poems, I tried to understand what is the Almighty to me...a friend or the super-power (may be I wanted to seek his blessings & love today!)....but could not complete it. In an another one, I tried to portray that everything fades away....but my heart could not let go everything, hence another incomplete one!

Its being so difficult today....I think I know why or may be, I don't know why. When one stops oneself, chains & constraints come the 'completeness' be born! 

In French- "C'est bizarre", but that's what is me today. May be the Sun shining tomorrow will break the shackles of the darkness within and a beautiful new day would be on its way, just like the fragrance of festivities in the air.

Happy Dusshera to all.

(* The image is 'The Creation of Adam', by Michelangelo.

Oct 5, 2011


is this world
& I hope memories too.

Sep 26, 2011


सूखे पत्ते सा मन
आरज़ू में तुम्हारी
एक छोटे से झोके
पर भी मचल जाये.
नादाँ है यह
समझता है,
शाख से गिरकर
पा जायेगा तुम्हे,
नहीं जानता-
शाख से गिरकर
भी कोई ऊपर उठा है कभी!

Sep 20, 2011

My name!

You can't speak to me
in broken sentences,
incomplete words!

You take my name
and you stop...
you can't kill me
like this
for I know not
what lies beyond my
when you call 'it',
for I know surely
what is left behind
when you call 'it'.

My name!
is it all what you

Memories hover
Lips curl in a smile
Eyes shine in bliss
this was a time
'once upon a time'
now what is left
is a 'name'
called and halted at
before emotions flow & ruin
everything preserved!

Sep 17, 2011


What am I doing?
I question myself
my words!

Trying to write this-that!
Trying to write about-
flowers beautiful as love,
fragrant fragrance of love!
Trying to capture scenes
of happiness,
of bliss!
Trying to weave passion
 & stories full of longings!

Trying to write all this
I feel
where is the contentment,
the pure joy I feel after
penning these down?
What am I doing?
What am I doing of my words...?
Faking them!!!!

And at this very moment...
I stop all this,
I stop all the efforts
of penning castles,
I just write your name,
& I immediately know
it's not fake!

Sep 14, 2011


It starts with you-
my morning,
Golden Sun rays falling on my face
Fresh warmth filling my being
& your love
wrapping my heart!

It ends with you-
my evening,
Dark Sun all around
Deep blue sky laughing on me
& your memories
welling up tears!

Life, indeed is funny!
Love, too cruel!

Sep 12, 2011

I am...!

I am mad, I am sane!
I am blind, I am dream!
I am silence, I am sound!
I am rational, I am irrational!
I am blue, I am red!
I am smile, I am tears!
I am mind, I am soul!
I am you, I am me
I am LOVE.

Sep 9, 2011

A sin...

It's a sin to love sometimes....

I fly in the clouds
and 'think about you,
I tip-toe on the sands of beach
and 'think about you,
And I realize...
It's a sin to love sometimes!

The world's full of dreams-
Happiness, joy, success
materials & fame
what else left to wish for,
I think of the limitations
of human dreams
and 'think about you,
And I realize...
It's a sin to love sometimes!

Life's not a flower
neither a game of saying-
'loves me or loves me not'
while somebody separates
petals from a flower
and 'think about you
And I realize...
It's a sin to love sometimes!

Love's not the sands of
the beach
that's washed away even
with tiny ripples or great tides,
love's not the clouds floating
high up in the sky
that keeps coming & going
with the science of evaporation...
and 'think about you
And I realize...
It's a sin to love sometimes!

Thanks to a lovely friend to inspire me to write this! Thanks 'Twitter' :)

Aug 28, 2011

That smile from her!

I am an avid reader of books by a few authors like Cecilia Ahern, Stephenie Meyer, John Grisam etc. During this India visit I had to go for a small surgery and for passing the time during my recovery my husband bought me another book by Cecilia Ahern. The book is named 'The Gift'. 

Its the story of a man named Lou Suffern who is engrossed in his work to the extent of ignoring everything & everybody else. One day, all of a sudden he spares a glance to a homeless man who sits & begs near his office building. Lou everyday passes by the same street but never ever he has paid any attention to this man, named Gabriel (Gabe). That day, one of the chilly snowy winter morning near Christmas in NewYork, Lou gives Gabe a cup of coffee and talks something with him. Don't know why and don't know he feels Gabe is 'him'. He sees himself in this homeless man. No comparisons could be drawn by anybody else by looking at the two men but he sees himself in this shabby creature. He later on ends up giving him the job in his office as a mail delivery man. He is amazed by Gabe's quickness to do things, and how he smiles intriguely at him. 

Without going in further details of this story between Lou and Gabe, I just want to convey the message that it is a story of two different persons at two different positions and situations in their life and how one day they get related to each other influencing and impacting each other's life in an unsurpassing and unimaginable way. The story I have read till now gives me one clear picture.... TWO DIFFERENT MEN, SITTING DIAGONALLY TO EACH OTHER.

From, here I want to commence my post (well, it was not about Cecilia's book review or story details)---

Two days ago, a bit recovered from my surgery I went with my husband to a very famous temple in our town- 'Annapurna Mandir' which is architecturally based on South-Indian temples. Its a beautiful one and I don't remember when I last visited any temples! It was the time of the afternoon, the temple was relatively empty and also wet after the heavy rain in the morning and last few days. After visiting one of the dieties, my husband and daughter started playing inside a big hall, and I came outside & sat on the entrance of that small temple hall. On my other side, just in front of my face, was sitting a women with a mobile in her hand. When we were entering the temple, I noticed her and I also noticed the sign board 'beware of the shoe-thieves'. I noticed these two facets  together and suddenly I was apprehensive of leaving my footwear (which I bought back in France and is one of my favourites) but I thought ok, may be if it was to go away, it will be taken otherwise it will stay with me :) ....I went inside, after the 'darshan' I came back & found both the women and my footwear...nobody and nothing was gone. I sat at the stairs.
   After a few minutes this women, nearly 38 (I think) gives me a smile (oh my was one of the most softest smiles I had ever seen). She was wearing a faded pink and grey salwar-suit, ragged, her hair was unkempt and she looked talking to herself. I was amazed ...'everybody had mobiles' as I saw her constantly busy with her red handset. Well, I smiled back at her. After a few more minutes, she asked me, 'madam, do you work in a office', I nodded and then she asked me 'where do I work'? I was very calm that day and so calmly told her I live outside India and I work in the field of computers. She made a face like 'Wow!'. OK...then after she again became bus with her mobile. I asked her then, 'what do you do?'..Anyone could have taken as a house maid..but I dont know why I wanted to ask her this. Well...I was not given any answer. She pretended she didn't hear or I knew she don't want to answer. After 5 more minutes, she asked me if I like in Indore (my hometown)..then I told her its my birth place and its only a few years I have been living outside India.I saw her interested in this conversation, so I asked her again where she works. To my amazement, she didn't answer. Now, some passersby of that small temple, looked to me in bewilderment like whom I am talking to. Then she spoke....यह कैसा जीवन है, सुबह शाम काम करने के बाद भी वो नहीं कर पाते जो करना चाहते है. She told..सुबह उठो, खाना बनाते बनाते ही दिन के १-२ बज जाते है, फिर कुछ और काम, फिर शाम का खाना और सो जाओ. वक्त और दिन दोनों खत्म. जीवन यू ही निकल रहा है, कब करे जो जीवन मे करना चाहते है!!!!

I was tempted to give this so true words an instant thought and also because it came from a very ordinary looking women who looked poor, needy, distressed and self-engrossed in her own world of problems and harshness of this world. I dont know why the two characters of 'the Gift', Lou and Gabe came to my mind. They were two different persons, sitting at opposite ends of life....I dont know why I also felt sitting at opposite ends to her. It was ironic as we sat at opposite sides of the stairs at the entrance of the temple yet i think we impacted each other's life in some way. I liked talking to this unknown lady where people looked at me with strange glares as if I was talking to no one. It wont be too much to say if I said this small talk comforted me and left me behind with a contentment of conversing with somebody. Finally, it was time to go and I said my farewell words to her- 'अच्छा, अपना ध्यान रखना' and once again she gave me that smile which I can't forget even now while writing this post.

Aug 20, 2011

I imagine....

I imagine your touch
on my skin....

Full of nectar
filled with love & longing
your lips would rest on mine
and gradually teach me
how to kiss....

Full of vibrations
sending me impulses
through all my pores
your body wraps mine
around itself
and I imagine my sigh....

Waxing & waning 
of my breath
lying along side you
and feeling your warmth
I shiver with love I imagine....

Your love,
your passion,
your madness,
I drink
I imagine
I long &
I live each time 'i breathe'.... 

Jul 27, 2011

'चाय का एक कप, बारिश और जिंदगी'

आज सुबह जब आँख
देखा उजियारे के साथ
एक अँधेरा था,
सुबह की भीनी खुशबू
के साथ
गीला सा कोई अहसास था.

यह उन दिनों में से
ऐसा दिन था,
जब बादल हो लड़ने को आतुर,
और मेघा तरसे भिगोने
को धरती.
मन खुश हुआ देख यह
आज दिन कुछ नया है
और मन भी कुछ
ठहरा हुआ.

सोचा मैंने,
ऐसी बारिश की बूंदों में
एक कप चाय की हो
और लिखी जाये कोई कविता
जिसे कहू में-
'चाय का एक कप, बारिश
और जिंदगी'.

इससे बेहतर
सुकूनमय क्या होगा
हो तल्लीन चाय की चुस्की
में जिंदगी
लेती बरखा की नन्ही बूंदों
का आनंद,
सुनती टप-टप उनका मुस्कुराता
और हू  सिर्फ मै अपने
शब्दों के बीच,
शब्दों के साथ.

लेकिन अगले ही पल,
नादानी लगी मुझे और
हँस पड़ी मै
सोचा था लिखूंगी
चाय का एक कप, बारिश
और जिंदगी का विस्तार
लेकिन भूल गयी तुम्हे....
तुम तो हर मौसम
में हो,
हर ख्याल मे तुम ही तो हो..

देखो कैसे आज भी
मुस्कुरा रहे हो 'ए जिंदगी मेरी'
चाय का एक कप मेरा
बारिश के साथ देखकर.... 

Jul 26, 2011

आने से तुम्हारे....

तुम्हारी तलाश
कहा कहा नहीं की
और एक दिन अचानक
आ खड़े हुए तुम सामने.

आने से तुम्हारे
जिंदगी ने जैसे कोई
गीत पुराना फिर गाया,
माना श्वेत पर रंगिनिया
बिखर गयी हो.

आने से तुम्हारे-
सुन्दर सुबह दस्तक देती
जैसी  चिड़िया के सजीले स्वर,
शाम सजती,
नीलाम्बर जैसे शोभित
होता गुलमोहर के
रंगों से.

तुम आये जैसे
होली में  टेसू की हो हलचल,
जैसे रंग ही रंग
हर जगह बिखरने को हो आतुर.

कही अनकही  बातें
हुई रोशन दिल के कोनो में,
ख्वाब ख्वाईशे सजी
जीवन के हर तार में,
बजने लगे सितार के
इन्द्रधनुषी स्वर हर पल
हर क्षण के गान में.

कितने सुन्दर हो तुम
शब्दों में नहीं समा पाते,
स्नेह विश्वास प्रेम
नाम में भी नहीं समा पाते,
क्या हो तुम
जो आने से तुम्हारे
सुबह शाम, गीत गान,
सब सज उठे
अपने ही श्रृंगार में.

कोई समझ पाए
या न पाए तुम्हे,
जीवन के लक्ष्य हो तुम,
अर्जुन की आँखों का
सार हो तुम,
जो पा जाऊ तुम्हें तो
कदमो में होगी
जीवन की मंजिल मेरी
सीरत  में होगी मेरी
सुन्दरता तेरी.

Life is all about goals. It is a constant journey to something. Today while visiting some very beautiful blogs, my heart was filled with joy. I wanted this beauty in my words, in my creations. I remembered my post about SEEK. Ya, sometimes we forget what we wrote, what we said, what we felt, what we wanted, what we dreamt. This poem is dedicated to my dreams, which I somehow lost or became unaware of in the process of finding/seeking some other things. Life is all about dreams, a person who fulfills their dreams are beautiful because the dreams and the effort went into fulfilling them, it all reflects in the personality of one's heart.

Jul 25, 2011

क्या हो तुम?

क्या हो तुम
मेरी शुरू होती जिंदगी
या चलती आयी जिंदगी का एक अंत.

क्या हो तुम
गर्मियों में डाल पर सजता गुलमोहर
या झड़ते हुए बसंत की हरियाली.

क्या हो तुम
इन आँखों का ख्वाब
या इस जीवन की सच्चाई.

क्या हो तुम
रौशनी से सराबोर एक आरजू
या अँधेरे में डूबती हुई एक लौ.

क्या हो तुम
इन शब्दों की खूबसूरती
या इनमे बहता हुआ दर्द.

सच बहुत मुश्किल है यह जान पाना,
क्या हो तुम
मेरी आवाज
या मेरी ख़ामोशी.

This poem signifies that every aspect of our lives has two sides. It is our perspective and our wisdom which one we want to see, to accept and to follow. Through this poem, I want to convey to myself and to everyone who reads it, life is all about being positive and always seeing the good things which leads to joy and inner peace. There may, well there are moments which pull all of us down some day or the other, and when at these moments, we think, "no, I can't get up", just then it is our responsibility to our life to get up again and keep trying till we reach the positive aspect of that situation, of that particular hardship. Never is an event in life that is meant to go waste. We learn a lot and we grow a lot.

I love the words of Collin Turner, in his book- "Shooting the monkey":
Everywhere we go, we meet ourselves!

Whatever we do in our lives, how we behave, how we conduct ourselves as friends, how we love...all points to us as a person. Each situation, each being in our life is a reflection of our own self. I love this fact that when I love somebody, when I am friends with somebody, I am knowing myself more. In this process I am discovering myself, my goodness and my bad things....that's the beauty of this human life we never stop learning, we never stop being better :-) .....

Jul 10, 2011

The Meeting - Katherine Mansfield

We started speaking,
Looked at each other, then turned away.
The tears kept rising to my eyes.
But I could not weep.
I wanted to take your hand
But my hand trembled.
You kept counting the days
Before we should meet again.
But both of us felt in our hearts
That we parted for ever and ever.
The ticking of the little clock filled the quiet room.
"Listen," I said. "It is so loud,
Like a horse galloping on a lonely road,
As loud as a horse galloping past in the night."
You shut me up in your arms.
But the sound of the clock stifled our hearts' beating.
You said, "I cannot go: all that is living of me
Is here for ever and ever."
Then you went.
The world changed. The sound of the clock grew fainter,
Dwindled away, became a minute thing.
I whispered in the darkness. "If it stops, I shall die."

Jun 19, 2011

For Papa, especially today, on Father's day!

I love you, papa!

शायद ही कभी यह शब्द कहे है मैंने, मगर लिखे जरूर है, और यह भी उतना ही सच है की यह शब्द बोल पाना मुश्कील है क्यूंकि हमेशा से ऐसे घर और वातावरण मे पली हू जहा पर अपने मन के यह भाव बोलना नहीं सीखा! इसका मतलब यह है की यह भाव और स्नेह को शब्दों की जरूरत नहीं है, वरन यह तो उतने ही स्वाभाविक है जैसे की सूरज की रौशनी और चंद्रमा की चांदनी. लेकिन, आज मै बहुत कुछ और पापा से कहना चाहती हू, फादर्स डे तो सिर्फ एक ओकेजन है!

नीचे लिखी हुई यह कविता मैंने कही इन्टरनेट से ली है, और हमेशा से पापा के लिए इसके शब्दों को सच पाया है:

"आशीष पिता के"

भरी धूप मे छाव सरीखे
तूफानों मे नाव सरीखे
खुशियों मे सौ चाँद लगाते
साथ साथ आशीष पिता के.

हाथ पकड़ कर
भरी सड़क को पार कराते
उठा तर्जनी
दूर कही गंतव्य दिखाते
थक जाने पर गोद उठाते
धीरे धीरे कोई कहानी कहते जाते
साथ साथ आशीष पिता के.

दिन भर खटते
शाम ढले पर घर को आते
हरे बाग़ मे खेल खिलाते
घास काटते
फूलों को मिल कर दुलराते
तार जोड़ते नल सुधराते
साथ साथ आशीष पिता के.

कितनी सच है यह लाइन - 'तार जोड़ते नल सुधराते' ....घर मे कैसे काम का डिविज़न रहता है...मम्मी रसोई मे, पापा दूकान पर.....हर चीज जैसे घडी के कांटे जैसे चलती और होती थी....परफेक्ट एकदम. मम्मी पापा कैसे अपनी जिम्मेदारी निभाते हुए साथ साथ चलते है! मैंने शायद ही कोई तकरार देखी हो जिसमे कोई एक दूसरे को कुछ बोल रहा हो की तुमने वोह नहीं किया या ऐसे नहीं किया....हर चीज, हर जिम्मेदारी पूरी तरह से फिनिश होती थी और होती है आज भी.

लेकिन  मम्मी पापा कितने अलग इंसान होते है. एक मौखिक तो दूसरा एकदम शांत, कहने का मतलब मम्मी अपने emotions  एक्सप्रेस करती है मगर पापा शांत, अपने अन्दर न जाने क्या क्या रखते है....असंख्य संघर्ष की कहानियों से भरे होते है पापा और फिर भी चेहरे पर कोई भी ऐसा भाव नहीं. हर बार बस यही कहता है उनका चेहरा...'सब ठीक है, मै हु हमेशा तुम लोगो के साथ....''! सोचती हु क्या बन पाऊँगी कभी उनके जैसी शांत, और सरल!

अपनी diary के पन्ने पलटते हुए मुझे यह poem मिली जो मैंने पापा के लिए लिखी थी,  अक्टूबर 2004  मे, लेकिन कभी भेजी ही नहीं, सोचा सब senti हो जायेंगे, लेकिन आज इस poem को शेयर करना चाहती हू पापा से, ख़ास आज के दिन, fathers day पर!

" मेरा ख़त, फॉर dearmost पापा! "-
ख़त जो आपको लिखा है
उसमे शब्दों के अन्दर पढना,
स्याही को नीला न समझना
उसमे भरे है मेरे भाव
जो शायद शब्दों मे नहीं दिखते.

शब्द मेरे दिखाते है खुशिया
लेकिन आपके साथ न होने
से होता गम छुपा जाते है यह.

ख़त के कागज पर
खिला है हमारे घर का नक्शा,
कैसे आप सभी के कदम
चलते यहाँ वहाँ दिखते है मुझे,
रसोई मे मम्मी का काम करना
वोह मिक्सी की आवाज मे टीवी का न सुनाई देना
वोह आपका मोटर का खटका दबाना
और मम्मी की वाही बातें,
यह सब नहीं दिखाता मेरा ख़त आपको
लेकिन मेरी आँखों के सामने से नहीं हटते यह पल.

मेरा ख़त नहीं सुनाता
आपकी नन्ही तालियों की आवाज जो आरती के
वक्त हम सुनते थे,
वो हम सबका बारी बारी से पूजा करना,
वो मम्मी का रोज धयान से पूजा करना,
वो उनका पुष्पा का इन्तेजार
और सौरभ और मेरा देर से सोकर उठना
छुपा जाता है यह सब मेरी यादें मेरा ख़त!

मेरा ख़त समेटे है अपने मे
भूले बिसरे दिन,
लेकिन यह सिर्फ महसूस किये जाते है,
वोह मेरा अपने कमरे को ठीक करना
और वोह sauru का हेलमेट और मोजो
पर मेरा चिल्लाना,
वोह उसकी घडी छुपा देना
उसे बात बात पर परेशान करना
सच अब सोचती हू क्यों परेशान किया
उसे मैंने
पर अब उतना ही उससे कई कई
ज्यादा प्यार करती हू उसे,
और भगवान् मे ज्यादा आस्था है अब मेरी
आप लोगो के लिए,
नहीं दिखाता ना यह सब मेरा ख़त,
पढो जब मेरा ख़त आप
समझ जाना खुश तो मै हू बहुत
अपने भविष्य और अपने आज के लिए
लेकिन अपने हाथों में मेरा कल
हमारा बीता हुआ कल, सब समेट लेना चाहती हू,
रहना चाहती हू आप सबके साथ
एक बार फिर
....हा, बहुत याद करती हू मै आप सबको
यही कहते है मेरे शब्द,
मेरा ख़त!

***Happy Fathers day, papa! You are the best!

Jun 17, 2011


Stuck somewhere it is
I feel
I sense
but I know not, what it is!

Stuck in my head
in my memories
in my heart
in my soul
I know
but I know not, what it is!

Stuck in my words
dying to come out and
spread on paper
and on my soul,
Stuck in my throat
like a name
like some feelings
so strong I know
but I know not, how weak it makes me!

yes I know
but I know not, what!
is it you
that leaves me
or is it you
that still comes along! my pen
my words, why dont u speak
so that I know what I know not!

Mar 23, 2011

a checkpoint...for my 'Seek'!

Its a long time I have come to my own blog...I have only one post this year and that was in January. Life is getting hectic and sometimes complicated to find time to write & solve the complication too! Funny it is.....

Last post I wrote about 'Seek'...its a verb and its a noun. It is a constant action taking place/that has taken place/will take place in future. It is a noun because it is often abstract. I seek but I don't know what! In fact, I have forgotten this post and today I had only thing in my mind...'meaning'. After so many days, I really felt the urge to find the meaning of my life. By this I mean my current actions. I need to find something substantial in what I am doing. I need to see a pattern that my life's actions are weaving. 

Life is running at a relentless pace. Day to night, night to another day...its going on. Is it what I call 'Seek' for me? Am I really seeking? I think it is the time I check for myself and in my bucket list, if I am moving forward with my dreams/aspirations or in simple words, is it making me a happier person at the end of each day and at the start of each new day!

Life for me does not need a plan but it needs a few big pieces like in a puzzle and I should have a fair idea what the puzzle must look like at the end!

Yes, I need to check and guard what I am seeking Vs. what I want to seek....

Jan 12, 2011

Seek is the verb!

Life is all about 'seeking'. Seek, a verb means to find.

In our lives we are always running/walking/thinking to seek something. It can be a goal, success, happiness, money, fame etc. What is life sans seeking?

Yes, in every new relationship or the old we look for seeking. May be the company of a certain friend gives me comfort, from some other friend I seek peace or the satisfaction to share myself or speak my mind out. And may be somewhere we seek love! It is all about seeking, the verb is omnipresent.

I was just thinking today, is there any life form that exists without this verb? Is life all about this. Saints and spiritual people talk about renounciation of material comforts and thoughts, but are not they also seeking something. It is a process, this worldly affairs. When we try to seek something, expectations come into picture. Where expectations arrive, will sorrow be far behind....!

Coming back more on this, very soon!