Jun 6, 2010

Day 42:

I have missing writing more often now. I am getting loose, and my momentum is diminishing every day. I did not write for last 2 days not because I didn't want to write but because I didn't have any thoughts that I could write, well just had mundane things of life-daily work, studying, parenting....there was nothing new that I could contribute new or just repeat. Actually, I didn't want to repeat it to myself. Also, my energy levels are quite down, so thought and relaxed by skipping writing.

I am writing for my own self, so that my thoughts get an outlet, my emotions gets discharged and my brain gets charged up. Life seems in a mess today. I am very sad today though not lonely. Thinking about my own self has become a burden, a task. I don't know how my life boat is going to come on the shores but today I really wished a magic wand which could set everything all right, all dreams fulfilled, all exams passed, all passions explored and the self......known/revealed.

Life is not bad, but sometimes it just seems so mess that cannot be corrected at the moment. If my posts talk about my frustration, my aspirations and my struggles...this is me. When I am happy and feel bliss with my kiddie that is me. I cannot write what I am not. Sometimes, I am afraid I am becoming an open book which I never want. And sometimes, I do not care about these things. This is me, and nobody can harm my thoughts, my hopes and my actions. This is the truth I know and mostly want to believe it. I do not know when mu hopes will turn into reality…may be this is the problem. I do not know! I do not plan! I do not foresee!

I still feel life is good and beautiful but I am sure there are times when everybody needs and wishes a magic wand….

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