Where my struggle lies, is the question before me. Is it the goal or the determination? If I have the goal, where is the determination and if I have the determination, why is not there any goal?
There is a vision for my self which I would like to achieve but where is the tenacity to make that happen? What is that, that is stopping me to move, to work, to work hard and be something that I dream for myself? What is it that stops me from regaining myself what I was a few years back? Things do drift in life (once allowed to drift) and ofcourse with each passing day they become yet more difficult to get back in their natal form. But, the determination, the passion to chase and above all, the goal, the most important, can get things right in , and the drifted things to drift further.
Like the ant who makes numerous efforts to climb the wall, like the bird who makes its nest straw by straw, human life has to be no different owing to the fact they have much more potential in store. Still, the human life takes inspirations from these tiny yet wonderful creatures of God. Why I am not that ant and not that bird? That's the first question I need the answer of.
Life is like a puzzle for me nowadays. Well, I don't know if puzzle is the right word. For each jumbled up piece, I need an answer. After I have all the answers, hopefully my dream comes true and I will be free from my own guilts, complexes and inhibitions, because I dreamt, I thought, I worked and I achieved. The second question is do I have a plan to reach to the stars and the Moon I dream of. So, my next task is to make a detailed plan keeping in perspective the outcomes I want from it. One substep being making deadlines and toiling to attain them.
The third question and a probable diificult answer is to keep the things rolling. It is so critical and therefore so difficult. It requires all the hard work to stop oneself from falling in the trap of laziness and procrastination (after achieving a few results). Momentum, as in physics keep things in motion, same in life it is required to keep the results in place by moving the mind constantly towards persistence and hard work. My past experiences have made me sure of this one fact, momentum is so so important. It just can't be ignored or underestimated. The absence of it will mar any past success and just, the presence of it will make you do wonders, some of whom may be unthought too. Wow, I would like to be in that state....should be amazing !!!!
If I summarize the solution to solve my puzzle it would be decide on a goal or a dream (though dreams are always seen by heart and not decided upon by the mind...well, sometimes it can be different too!), make a plan and work for it keeping deadlines and an ant attitude. And keep the momentum, just never lose it. The presence of the word 'never' itself makes it so easy to lose it.
In this entire process, the fear of failure, the need to justify/defend and the state of doubt will always make the journey slow and ineffective. I have to be convinced about my dreams and the path that I chose to win them. Come what may, I am not going to move and I am not going to fall. Yes, I am going to be the ant, just once in my life and then would keep things rolling.
I am sure, that is what I can call 'life'.